Positive Thinking

Sometimes firmly fixed negative beliefs color our worlds without our realizing it. We may never consciously think the negative thoughts. Rather, our feelings indicate we hold the negative beliefs or assumptions. For example: When you feel inadequate, some of the negative thoughts listed above concerning inferiority, lack of charm, or lack of ability may feel true to you, whether or not you ever actually think them. When you feel overwhelmed, some of the negative thoughts concerning pessimism or depression may describe your feelings well. If perceiving dislike, hostility, or rejection devastates you, you probably feel like endorsing some of the negative thoughts concerning social hostility or rejection. If you have a bad temper, you can probably easily relate to the angry thoughts listed above, whether or not you ever actually think them.

When grouped together in a list, negative thoughts are obviously negative. Detecting your own negative thoughts is much more difficult, but you can recognize many negative thoughts by their extreme nature. The following thoughts all paint things in extreme terms: "I am the worst conversationalist in the world," "I always mess things up," "I have no sense of humor," "Anything I try turns out terrible," "Nobody understands me," "I'll never be able to dance," and "I can't stand it!" Notice in these examples and in the above lists that many of the negative thoughts are overgeneralizations using the words always, no, anything, nobody, everyone, never, and can't.

Some negative thoughts involve the use of negative labels, such as complete failure, bore, born loser, rotten creep, lousy mother, etc. When you apply a negative label to another person in anger, you keep yourself angry or upset. When you habitually think of yourself in terms of a negative label, you define yourself in a way that reduces your hope for change. People who do this often resign themselves to the social role it implies. Children whose parents constantly scold and insult them often come to believe their parents' descriptions of them are true. With low self-esteem, these children have little hope of changing and put little effort into improving. This is another kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. Similarly, when adults come to think of themselves as boring, bad tempered, alcoholic, addicted, sluttish, homosexual, neurotic, mentally ill, or criminal, they often resign themselves to the social roles these labels imply.

The best way to find your negative thought habits is to write down negative thoughts. Some people prefer to tape record them. Write down your thoughts anytime you notice one that might be negative or seems to contribute to your feeling bad. Then spend a minute or two every hour or so reviewing the time interval for possible negative thoughts to jot down. At the very least, review your thoughts four times a day. If you review them only once or twice a day, you will forget many because negative thoughts tend to be habitual and automatic. Pay particular attention to your thoughts when your mood changes for the worse. Your thoughts at these times are the most likely to be counterproductive. Write these thoughts down even if you don't think they contribute to the negative emotion. Never evaluate these thoughts when your mood changes for the worse; always evaluate them later, in a calm, content mood. Negative thoughts will be more obvious when you don't feel angry, depressed, or emotional. The following questions help in judging whether the thoughts you collected are negative. These questions also help you look at problem situations in more constructive ways.