Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness II

Some depressed people long for friendship and love but alienate other people with negativity or with clinging neediness because of lack of enough socializing or interests and activities.  Many depressed people make the mistake of hunting for romance to satisfy their unhappiness, poor self-esteem, or other problems.  A preoccupation with finding romance is generally frustrating and disappointing.  Yearning for a romance to make you happy is looking in the wrong place for happiness.  Although finding a mate can help make you happy, your best chance of finding a mate depends on developing a different set of priorities.

Looking for a romance to save you from your loneliness and unhappiness is a rather desperate, needy search that alienates other people.  Your personality cannot sparkle with this kind of focus in your life.  Instead, focus on enjoying the single life, meeting people, and making friends.  Accept you may be single for a long time and get on with your life.  You need a wide variety of interests and activities, and you need to enjoy and value your friendships.  Having these priorities will make you more pleasant, give you practice in socializing, and increase your chances of finding romance.  With interests and activities and a good network of friends and acquaintances, your painful longing will cease.

A common, very painful mistake in dating is to become completely engrossed in a person who shows little true concern for your needs and feelings.  Perhaps your partner only wants to see you occasionally or when other relationships end.  Perhaps your partner is selfish and repeatedly inconsiderate of your feelings or needs.  Staying in any unfulfilling relationship ties up much of your time and deepest emotions.  The danger in staying in an unfulfilling relationship is you become accustomed to unhappy situations, making you an easy target for people who will use you.  Unfortunately, plenty of people will use you if you let them.  Your time and emotional energy are better spent developing interests, activities, ways of meeting people, and a more suitable love relationship.  Never settle for less in a relationship-hold out for what you really want.

If, despite an unfulfilling relationship, you sometimes resort to sexual activity to relieve negative emotions such as loneliness, boredom, depression, or anxiety, plan more constructive ways of dealing with these emotions.  Keep busy, avoid the problem person, make new friends, find better ways to have fun and to relax, and practice rejecting the person's advances in behavioral roleplays.  If lowered inhibitions due to drinking alcohol or using other drugs play a role in your continuing an unfulfilling relationship, plan ways to avoid this problem or work on your addiction.