Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness II

Certain kinds of written records help combat depression.  Compile a journal or list of joyous experiences you remember.  Describe your most special moments, including beautiful nature scenes, especially close moments with loved ones, fun times, a series of events that you particularly enjoyed, or spiritual experiences.  Make another list of your positive attributes.  Include your talents, qualities, virtues, accomplishments, etc.  (Anyone who wants to help a depressed person can make such a list and give it to the person.  Sometimes doing this for a depressed friend can make a huge difference.)  Make a list of blessings you can be thankful for, too.  Compile a collection of inspiring thoughts, quotes, poems, prayers, or affirmations.  Affirmations are inspiring statements you write and then repeat throughout the day for self-improvement or emotional well-being.  For example: "I will strive to be an example of peace and love for my fellow human beings," or "Let calmness and serenity fill my heart."  Keep adding new items to these journals or lists as you think of them, rereading them regularly to help keep your mind focused on good, rather than negative, things.

When you complain, cry, talk of sad feelings, or discuss problems, your friends and loved ones probably respond with sympathy and tender loving care.  Unfortunately, these loving responses reward and help maintain the depressive behaviors.  Some friends or family even take over chores for a depressed person who stays in bed or asks for help.  Again, this rewards the passive or dependent behavior.  Perhaps you reward yourself when you drown in negative thoughts or self-pity.  Many depressed people eat, spend money excessively, abuse addictive substances, or have sex without love to feel better.  Eliminate these and any other subtle rewards for depressive behavior.

Stop seeking consolation with complaints, sighs, sad looks, and crying.  Work to make your social interactions more positive by showing warmth toward other people, taking an interest in them, developing and sharing interests and activities, etc.  Ask your friends and loved ones to ignore your depressed behaviors and to cut telephone calls and visits short when you dwell on complaints or drown in self-pity, spending more time with you and showing more warmth and interest when you act in more normal ways.  Asking them to do this is very important because close friends and loved ones generally take appropriate behaviors for granted and try to cheer you up with extra warmth and attention when you feel depressed.  Tell them to avoid taking pity on you and feeling guilty for not catering to your depression, and ask them not to take over chores and duties you can do for yourself.

Don't worry about whether you are happy.  Develop interests, activities, and friendships, be kind, help other people, strive to be virtuous, accept emotional pain, work on conquering your personal problems, and improve your thinking habits.  These things will lead to happiness.  Conquering your depression may take months or years, depending on its severity, how long you have had negative thinking habits, your personal problems, and how much effort you put into it.